Loneliness and Depression

I am no expert in the study of loneliness. I studied depression during my course of studies, but not loneliness. Yet, it is to my belief that there is a strong correlation between loneliness and depression, just as self-esteem and depression.

Bible wrote that there is a good side to being alone. Being alone can be an opportunity to retreat, rest, pray and talk with God, just as Jesus did so often alone and away from His disciples. Most of us would have realised by now that the issue lies not with being alone, but the feeling of being lonely.

"It is not good that man should be alone" (Gen. 2:18) I've learnt that when the God says that something is good, it's REALLY good. But when the bible says that "It is not good", it is really NOT good. God said that it is not good for Adam to be alone, and so abracadabra, He created Eve, and made her a helper to Adam. So now Adam is no longer alone. And since being alone is never an issue, but being lonely is, Eve must have solved the "being lonely" issue. Because God was pleased and saw that everything He created was good.

I believe that Adam and Eve shared a very close and pure intimate relationship, one that is found and meant to be shared only in a marriage. They were connected soul-to-soul, heart-to-heart, body-to-body. Thus there was no room for loneliness to creep in. Building on this understanding, can I safely assume then that the key to not being lonely is for a man to have his "Eve", and a woman to have his "Adam"? Theoretically, the answer is Yes. Practically, the answer is No...

You see, when Adam disobeyed God and was tempted by the Devil (serpent), sin crept in. And with sin comes all kinds of hurt and disappointments resulting from unfaithfulness, betrayal, lies, etc. Therefore it is not uncommon these days to find married couples feeling lonely and unsatisfied. Why would that be so if they were the Adam and Eve that God has intended in the first place? If married couples can feel lonely, what more unmarried couples?

So can we say then that the key is not about being married or unmarried, but rather do we have a soul-mate and confidant whom we can trust fully and share our deepest innermost thoughts to? Theoretically, the answer is Yes. Practically, the answer is No. For Isaiah 53:6 says, "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all." In short, all man have sinned. Meaning all men will lie, all men are selfish, all men have ulterior motives.

If you believe in the bible, you will see that there is no perfect person on earth except Jesus. As such, we are all prone to loneliness, since all men have sinned. If loneliness has a strong correlation to depression, then chances are our loneliness might lead to depression.

I'm not saying that all married couples will be lonely, nor am I saying that all unmarried singles are destined to be lonely. What I'm saying is - until we find that soul mate or confidant whom we can totally trust and rely upon, there is always a void which we can never fill. That void is loneliness. So if you have found that soul mate of yours, and suppose he/she maintains that trust for as long as you live, then congrats, you will never be lonely.

You know what I'm going to write next, don't you? Yes, you've guessed it - it has become almost a cliche to say that the void can be filled by God. But guess what - I'm still lonely. And don't you? Yet all I can only do is to keep praying and tell God how lonely I am (and believing that He alone answers prayers). At times when loneliness becomes overbearing, I do cry to Him. I know I can confide in Him, I know He listens, and that He will never betray nor leave me. I know that He truly loves me. When I have no one to talk to, I can turn to Him. I know I can trust Him entirely with my secrets and deepest thoughts. He said that He is always besides me (though invisible). Sometimes when words alone aren't enough to be express my emotions, tears could. Bible wrote in Psalm 56:8, "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

Whatever, still we all yearn to have a physical soul mate, other than God, don't we? Till then, we can only trust in what Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

It is not good to live alone, and to die alone. I pray for all lonely and depressed people out there, that God can be a comfort to them, and that His presence be so strong within them that it dispels all loneliness. Yet beyond that, for God to designate an Eve to every Adam, and an Adam to every Eve.

Amen!